


untitled #2

by flytothesekai



Series: work in progress [2]
Category: K-pop, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Heavy Angst, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-21
Updated: 2016-05-21
Packaged: 2018-06-09 21:33:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,026
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6924277
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flytothesekai/pseuds/flytothesekai
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Taehyung was just so, so tired.</p>
            </blockquote>





	untitled #2

**Author's Note:**

> may contain potentially triggering material, please read at your own risk! sorry for any mistakes.

Taehyung stares blankly at the white walls as warm water fills up the bathtub, slowly but steadily trickling out the tap. There's a long, sharpened knife on the sink beside the tub, and he eyes it in apprehension. He's sitting on the cold bathroom tiles wearing nothing but his boxers. At least, he thinks it's cold. It's been a while since he's been able to feel anything and his mind's a mess, unable to make sense of anything other than what he's about to do, and Jungkook. Jungkook was always an exception. 

 

* * *

 

Once upon a time, it didn't hurt to get up in the morning, to smile and laugh without a care. He faintly remembered the contentment he would feel from even the most simplest things in life — walking to class with Jungkook, having his favourite pizza for dinner, even seeing a cute puppy on Tumblr. But gone were those days and now he was stuck. There's was barely anything left for him to feel but the darkness that had long since settled deep within him, slowly consuming him and eating him alive from the inside out.

There were times when he managed to fight his way out the shadows in his mind, crawling back out to the light where everyone and everything he loved was. But every time he did, he'd just get shot back down to his hell and feel like a part of himself had been killed again. Time and time again, he felt the pieces of himself being glued back together with the patience of Jungkook's love and gentle encouragement, only to be ripped apart to shreds once more. Time and time again, he saw how Jungkook's heart would break, watching him slowly destroy himself like this.

Taehyung couldn't understand why it was so hard to be able to breathe — to be able to wake up and _want_ to live. It felt suffocating, watching everyone swim forward in life with ease while he was chained down by an anchor, slowly losing sight of them ahead of him. Sure, everyone could wait for him and pull him along with them; but they couldn't possibly do so forever. They had places and dreams to reach, people to meet, lives to actually _live_. Waiting for Taehyung and dragging him along only slow them down. Besides, he always believed that there were some things in life you had to live and suffer through alone.

As time went on, he started growing numb and exhausted. Taehyung was just so, so tired. He wasn’t even sure if he was living anymore, it felt more like he was just existing. The pain of being alive was now a constant, dull ache that slowly sucked up all his energy, his purpose and his will to fight; but it didn’t matter because what was the point of fighting against the currents of the sea when you know you’ll eventually drown anyway? He could just close his eyes and finally let the water drag him down into the dark abyss he was always circling around.

 

* * *

 

Taehyung stepped into the pool of warm water that now filled the bathtub, sinking lower and lower into the depths of the water until even his lips were submerged. He watched as his steady exhales caused small ripples to form on the surface of the water, counting the seconds it took between each time he breathed in. There was no one else home except for him, the world around him a quiet, dull grey. Jungkook always brought some colour into his world whenever he was around, a faint glow of warm reds and yellows, but he was out with Seokjin right now and Taehyung finds himself surrounded in dark, black hues.

He lets himself feel the way the water engulfs him in its embrace, and rests his right arm on the side of the bathtub. It’s warm in here and a sense of comfort washes over him for a short moment. He then picks up the knife on the side with his right hand, and brings it closer to him, inspecting his own reflection in the stainless steel blade. Holding it tightly in his hand, he hovers the knife over his left wrist for a second, then brings it down, dragging it across his skin. A bright red gash appears as the blade moves along his wrist, dark crimson blood spilling out first as thick droplets, then gushing out steadily, cascading down almost gracefully.

Taehyung welcomes the pain like an old friend, savours the feeling of it even, because it's at times likes this that he can feel something again. He adds another deep slit below that wound, and then a large, vertical gash from the tip of the other two cuts, dragging the blade down until the point where his elbow meets his arm. He watches at the way the blood flows down his pale arm and into the water, fascinated by the strikingly contrasting colours. It hurts but it doesn't matter anymore. Nothing matters anymore.

The water gradually turns a deep red and Taehyung slowly feels his eyes get heavier and heavier each time he blinks, feeling more and more tired as the seconds tick by. The last of his energy is bleeding out his body and a sense of calm washes over him, knowing it'll all be over in a few moments and that all the pain he's ever felt will soon go away. Just as his eyes are about to close for the very last time, he hears the click of the front door unlocking. Jungkook calls out for him, "TaeTae? I'm home, baby."

"What a nice way to go," thinks Taehyung, his eyes shut, "hearing your favourite person’s voice for the very last time." He lets out one final breath of air, and lies unmoving in the water. Jungkook finds Taehyung in the bathroom half a minute later, his scream piercing the still air. When he comes home from the hospital that night, body covered in Taehyung’s blood, he finds the note Taehyung left for him on their bedside table.

 

_“I’m sorry, please forgive me. Please always be happy. I love you.”_


End file.
